Monday, July 2, 2012

Where is home?

Home is a place that makes you feel safe, a place where no matter how you feel you know everything is going to be ok. But what happens when you feel all solace is lost? What happens when not only the physical home in which you live, but the complete society and system in which you live leaves you feeling insecure of your very existence?

Almost a year ago I decided that my health was becoming an issue and I needed to seek medical attention, I walked out of the ER with what was essentially a painful fart and $1200 in debt (I'm dead serious). For something so trivial to be so expensive, how could you sustain faith within the medical system setup to help sustain your health? I can't, and that further dissolved any faith within the system that holds power above said medical system.

Due to deeply rooted brain washed fears, implemented by my parents, I've lived life on the straight and narrow, I don't smoke, I don't drink on any regular basis and I've never tried drugs. I assumed that would have upheld my health further than say, The Rolling Stones, but perhaps heroine is a preservative. But now as the tingling sensation in my legs and sometimes my hands and arms start to grow more concerning, I can't help but feel unnecessarily shunned by the American system.

I have chest pains and I don't know why, but being an American I can only assume it is heart disease, even at 29. I feel things that I assume are just growing pains, but I'm also socially groomed to be hyper aware of my health and it's importance. At the same time I would never want to live the rest of my life being in debt to a scheme set forth to make a portion of the population rich and the other portion fearfully throw money at the problem.

As an American we are told that we are the best country in the world and as a child I fed into that bullshit ideology, something that some people never seem to grow out of, and I now see it as a country that can't get it's priorities straight, unless it revolves around money. Why do we look down at other countries that obviously have their systems sorted out well beyond our own, while we're told that system would never work, no matter how long it HAS worked? When I tell a friend from another country that I don't feel well, the answer is always so simple for them to say "Go see a Doctor", because in their country, THEY CAN!!!

I'll never forget a PBS documentary about Tanzania, where they were interviewing children miners who work the mines to find their nation's export. What struck me as odd was that these children weren't scummy and filthy like the documentary actually said, in fact the children had some of the straightest and whitest teeth I've ever seen, anywhere! Now why would that matter, you may be asking, if these children were so poorly taken care of, as the documentary was trying to portray, why would these children's teeth be one of their top priorities?

I've lost faith in the system and it dawns on me that I probably wouldn't be accepted anywhere else, or maybe that is just another American scare tactic. As freely as the US is allowing illegals to stay and reap the rewards they unjustly enjoy, I can't survive here, but where could I do the same thing the illegals are doing in the US? Where could I freely move in, claim things as my own, avoid taxes and still get all the benefits of being from your country, or even more benefits than they afford their own citizens?

Within the US I fear for my life, health wise, but it seems I'm walled off from being any better anywhere else. All the places I would love to move I would probably just be looked down upon as being an American, much the way Americans do those places anyway. Even if I could become a citizen of another country that would afford me all the benefits to flourish the way I deserve, the US isn't kind to those who find the system lacking and give up US citizenship in favor of a better life the US refuses to offer them.

With a country that forces you to work to survive, because there are very few programs for the unemployed to gain good health insurance, yet supports companies that force jobs off shores, we can't sustain any means of existence. When a case of only the strong becomes only the wealthy, we really need to step back and take a look at the overall system. My health issues may pass, but the fear and uneasiness knowing that if something serious ever happens to me that I would owe a severely flawed system large sums of money that I could never repay will always be a thorn in my side.

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