As some of you may know I suffer from anxiety. It's a disorder that sometimes can not be properly looked after. This year started out with some really bad symptoms to the point I filed to get medical insurance and once I did the real mental fuckery started. Symptoms started to appear that were very concerning, and knowing now I could take care of them made it impossible for me to ignore. However, covid locked me in this mental box that anxiety took control of and made it seem if I left the property I would immediately die in the worst possible way. How does one combat this? Internally, mentally, and eventually they feel like they're drowning with no way of reaching help.
So I decided to try and shake off the horrible way I woke up this morning and build the Timmy clone circuit, which went really well. Once it all was soldered up I brought it inside to test and immediately my skin began to crawl, my body was trembling and my internal alarms were on full alert. But I can't leave the property! I'll die! If I don't take care of whatever is setting off this anxiety, I'll die! Damned if I do, damned if I don't. The option was literally taken out of my control when, suddenly and without warning I simply stopped breathing. I've had anxiety and panic attacks, but this was a completely different beast. This sucked the oxygen right out of me and left me feeling the cold fingers of the Reaper upon my arms, directing me away.
911 was called, and after a brief sit outside the team came over and started taking my vitals. Obviously in a panic things weren't perfect, but things weren't alarming, or so they didn't let on anything was alarming. I was then transferred to the ambulance and awaited the horrible death anxiety had promised should I try to leave the property. As you may be guessing, because I'm writing this entry, it was all bupkis! I was loaded into the ambulance, the vitals guy kept an eye on everything and we talked the whole ride about my life, my anxiety, my hobbies, and even my lost love from Mexico. What stays with me though is how he kept looking at the EKG and saying I have a beautiful EKG, and it slowly got better as we rolled along the way to the ER.
I felt far more calm than I thought I would throughout the whole process, which was surprising, but a welcome change from what anxiety said I should feel. Transitioning from Ambulance to ER was immediate and everyone was there to greet me. My vitals were constantly checked, blood was drawn and everything was underway. I was even given some kind of drug, whose name I already forget, that quieted all the intrusive thoughts in my head. Although my numbers aren't 100% perfect, at least now I know what I need to work on with my PCP.
Listen, if you're having chest pains and shortness of breath, don't simply chalk it up to anxiety, unless you've been to the Dr or ER and you've been cleared time and time again. This isn't anything to mess with, and although mine turned out to strictly be inside my head, for someone else it might not. Do yourself a service and burst through that mental block like I did and give yourself much more life to live. Believe me it's worth living!
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