For the past twelve years of my life I've dealt with pretty serious anxiety off and on. This year was one of the worst relapses, and I'm still having a hard time shaking it. In previous years, when I had a relapses, I relied heavily on the most amazing support systems I've ever had, but sadly she decided in 2019 that was all she could take. I understand, sometimes I don't want to be with me either. She always promised me, up to the day she left, we were going to be together. It was never a matter of if, it was a promise of someday. Either way I have to stop staring at that closed door hoping it will ever open again. What hurt me the most was, to semi-quote Take That, in the twist of separation she excelled at being free. It was as if her escape was planned very well in advance. That's her choice, and I fully support it as I'm sure she's happier without me.
Now I look at my life and realize I can't let everything around me fall into disrepair anymore. I need to take my health, my happiness, and my life more seriously and find what I deserve and where I deserve to be. It's going to be a long, hard road, but I've got some really great people on my side already. I also have you, the readers. If you've come here for a new pedal building update, or small electronics fix tutorial, I'm sorry. That's why this blog is called Sam's (or my idiot younger self chose Samz) Asylum. It's my little place on the virtual world; a hodgepodge of all things I'm feeling, working on and what I want to share with whomever will read it. For those of you who have stuck around through all my personal entries that aren't fun to read, thank you. I promise you 2025 has some more pedal builds, and hopefully here soon I'll be able to give an update on a build from 2023.
No longer can I wait, unhappy and longing for the past to return. No longer can I sit back and let life pass me by. It's time to take charge of what I can control, and hope what I can't control shows me a bit of grace and mercy. I'm super excited about a few major events in 2025, and we'll just have to hope for the best with everything else. Hopefully things will be better than the past five years have been. Hey, I love building pedals, but I was never doing well emotionally. Now let's put a positive mental attitude and my pedal building skills together and see where that gets us. I'll keep those of you who wish to know updated. For the rest of you, the pedal build stuff will start back up in Spring, so only a few months to go. I'll see you then and wish me luck. I'll need it!
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